Wednesday, December 16, 2015


PHATTYSHACK: the movie

Mos Def: So hey Paul. What's this disc golf movie I hear you're working on?

Paul Rudd: (crooning) "Hey hey paula"

Mos Def: What?

Rudd: It was a long time ago. Anyway, did you guys hear about Phattyshack last year?

Mos Def: Which one?

Rudd: Right. Last year the activists over at Norml put on a big disc golf tournament, to raise awareness for their "cause," or whatever you wanna call it, compassionate legalization. They called the tournament Phattyshack. They invited a bunch of celebrities and disc golf pros to compete in mixed teams. Snoop Dog and Woody Harrelson were the announcers.

Henry Rollins: No way, that's bananas. Who all did they get?

Rudd: Sarah Silverman, Jack Black, Doug Benson, Robert Downey Jr, Ben Stiller, Zach Galifianakas, etc. So it had to be pretty good tournament, right. But get this, Robert Redford is producing and Silent Bob directed the film. It's gonna be the first great disc golf stoner comedy. I've seen the rough mix, it's totally going to happen.

MIA: Sounds like a real rolla.  


Scene one: shelter between Hole 4 and 5.

Mos Def: (points to shelter) is this a safe place to, you know, partake?"

Rudd: Safe from what?

Mos Def: Well, you know, in Amsterdam they ask you to withhold your smoke from places where they got kids?

Rudd: Oh, I don't know. I don't see any kids around here? (camera pans around)

Rollins: Hey Paul, did you bring the chalice with you?

Rudd: The question is what did you bring for "the chalice"?

Mos Def: I've got Coach?

Rollins: Like the name brand? Like the luggage? Like the back of the plane?

MIA: Like the captain of the footballa?  A coach coach?

Mos Def: No, no. Well, yeah, sorta, something like that. Coach is a hybrid of hindu kush and damiana, infused with Goji berry. Not to be confused with Oprah's Acai berry.

Rollins: Ooh, sounds fruity.

MIA: What's the effect, Mr. Def?

Def: Damiana is a very...visionary herb, it gives you powerful dreams. Mix that up with the creative powers unleashed by the hindu kush, and bam, and you end up on a trip to the moon. To the future. It's like a dream quest or some shit.

Everyone nods yeah and the chamber of the chalice is piled high with Coach.

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